Love the one you’re with: 9 ways to show up for community.
Despite spending most of my adult life in the Sierra, which I love, part of my identity is being homesick, a longing for the familiar world of my childhood home in Maine. I wonder if my fondness for songs in minor keys, the scent of fall, and movies with unexpected, often unhappy, endings is connected to this yearning for the past. Perhaps I find enjoyment in these pangs of nostalgia.
It's not just childhood memories; a year at Sonoma State, the times waitressing at the Wawona Hotel, and the camaraderie of raising kids alongside an amazing group of now-dispersed moms—all these memories call to me. It's these moments left behind that I miss the most.
Maybe we all romanticize the past. Part of our nostalgia for days gone by is that we don't remember the challenges, only the good times. Those times we remember are usually about intense connections, the intimacy of times spent with others create great memories. We are drawn to these periods where shared experiences forge deep bonds.
Yesterday, I attended a memorial for a beloved figure in Yosemite, Randy Rust. The gathering included people who had grown up in Yosemite, a group of Yosemite ski team kids, now in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, who were coached by Randy. The joy they felt at being together, their reverence for Randy and each other, and a time gone by were palpable. Many expressed how loved they felt, wished they still lived in Yosemite, and wanted to move back.
But of course, a gathering like that isn’t a real picture of life in Yosemite. For those of us who live here in this National Park, most of our days are much like those of folks in the suburbs, the cities. We work, clean, eat, watch TV, exercise, pay bills, and just try to make it through our busy weeks, putting out fires. It’s hard to see the magic in the day-to-day no matter where you live. To move back would never replicate the halcyon memories of the past.
How can you make your present more satisfying? I mostly write about individual endeavors—how we can each improve our lives by changing the quality and quantity of what we eat, how we move, and what we think.
But even more important, I believe, are connections to others. Which is, of course, love.
The pandemic was an isolating force. It heightened our sense of individuality, confining us to months spent with only our spouses and dogs for company. While it created a low-risk, low-conflict bubble, it illuminated the inadequacy of a spouse and a pet to fulfill the deep-seated need for connection. To truly thrive, one must actively participate in community.
People are just beginning to interact like they once did. Our local nonprofits are struggling for volunteers. People learned a new way of living during the pandemic, and our communities are suffering for it. People are hesitant or uncertain how to reengage.
What is clear from those years is that community connections take intention to create. You can’t wait for opportunities to present themselves to you. You need to reach out for them. I believe that true happiness lies in active engagement with our community in the present.
Recently, I joined a local non-profit board.- YEA (Yosemite Employee Association) I’m older than all the other board members—most of them by 20 plus years. And I’m loving it. Certainly, there have been a few moments of overwhelm and frustration, but that is part of what it is to interact with people. It’s part of the social contract. Those occasional hard parts are balanced with the sense of accomplishment from groupthink, creative problem-solving, and togetherness. It is satisfying to work on something for the greater good of your community with a smart group of folks.
One of my favorite friends is disillusioned with our town. She regularly talks about what has been lost. Her perception that living in our community today is infinitely worse than it was in the past. Her work and friend groups are tight, but I wonder if she is possibly lonelier today than she once was and if more involvement with her community might brighten her days.
What steps can a person take to become more engaged in the neighborhood and community?
Engage with people of all ages: Next time you invite friends over for dinner, ask them to bring their kids or their parents. Interacting with people of all ages is great for expanding our points of view.
Volunteer your time: Look for opportunities to give back to others either through formal clubs or just listening to your neighbors. I can think of so many times an opportunity to help presented itself and I failed to act.
Show up: Go to the community fundraising dinner, attend the school play, go to listen to the speaker. The more you are present, the more folks get to know you and the opportunities snowball from there.
Coach or referee: Youth sports are always in need of volunteers. My husband's favorite memories are of coaching his kids in soccer and baseball.
Participate in neighborhood clean-up efforts: If your community doesn’t have a community clean-up, start one.
Attend town hall meetings to stay informed and voice your opinions: School board meetings, supervisor meetings, and planning meetings are a great way to meet the movers and shakers in your community - and maybe become one yourself.
Organize or join a community sports league or fitness group: I still miss the Zumba classes that I would take when my boys were at soccer practice. Dancing to club tunes with a bunch of other dancers was so much fun. Lately I’ve been playing pickleball. Also fun!
Participate in local cultural and arts events: This winter we organized a series of art and craft nights. Easy to do because most communities are brimming with artists willing to share their skills.
Support local businesses and markets: Today most communities have farmers markets which are a wonderful way to meet people. Frequenting your neighborhood restaurants and shops is another and it strengthens your economy to boot.
Community can mean different things to different people. Reaching out can feel risky and fully engaging with people is a nuanced endeavor, laden with messiness. Yet, the risks bear fruits of support, connection, understanding, and accomplishments. Contributing to something beyond individual interests or familial needs, despite being more like type 2 fun – challenging but rewarding in hindsight, is undeniably worth the effort.
The past may hold cherished memories, but the present is where we actively find meaningful connections. Engaging with our community is an act of love—an investment that pays dividends. By participating in community life, we not only enhance our own well-being but contribute to the collective beauty of an interconnected society. In the act of loving our communities, we can find a fulfilling and enduring source of joy.
For those who gravitate to the nostalgic - here is a curated playlist for you.
https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/longing-desire/pl.u-e98lyGLSzza0Dv
